DivorceandFamilyMediationCenter.com

Hoist With Your Own Petard

  When people ask me what is necessary in order for a mediation to be successful, my response is “a willingness to cooperate and negotiate in good faith.” These are words of wisdom from my mediation mentor. If the people who walk into my room have even a modicum of intention to that purpose, mediation is possible. Without it . . . well, you know.

Prior to mediation, couples do not have to have agreed to anything, see eye to eye on the issues or necessarily want the same things. What they do need is an intention to work together, plain and simple. When they do, magic can happen.

However there are times when it becomes clear that one (or both) of the parties may be participating either in a disingenuous or self-serving way. In that case, the possibility to create a mutually agreeable outcome is rather slim. Read the rest of this entry »

Modification Of The Agreement

  During the mediation couples will often ask: “What happens if we want to change something in our Agreement once the divorce judgment has been signed – how do we do that?” This is a great question. After all, although the Agreement is somewhat static, life is fluid and circumstances change.

One of the provisions many couples include in their original Agreement is to return to mediation together to resolve these issues. This is a lot less costly than trying to litigate and attempt to resolve in court. After all, they worked things out together in mediation, why not continue in that process if there is a need to modify the Agreement in the future?

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The Post Separated, Single Parent . . . Couple

Part II

  When crafting a parenting plan, the most important consideration is that the children have as much access to both parents as possible. Research strongly suggests that children who are co-parented by loving, involved and cooperative parents are significantly impacted in a more positive way in both the short and long term. They become happier, more confident, and well adjusted adults. This just makes sense. Read the rest of this entry »

The Post Separated, Single Parent … Couple

Part I

You’re probably wondering what this title could possibly mean. It is unusual, but accurately describes what actually goes on for most couples parenting their children in a post –separation world. And because of that, I thought it worthy of closer examination.

I find in my mediations, that many couples choose joint custody (joint decision-making) with one parent being the residential custodial parent (where the children reside most of the time). Before we explore this concept, you may want to refer to my article “Child Custody Arrangements” where I give a detailed explanation of the various custody arrangements in New York State. Read the rest of this entry »

Ada Hasloecher, Mediator & Marty Gofberg, JD – Discuss the Contrast Between a Mediated Divorce and a Litigated Divorce

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A Tale of Two Families (Or – do I have to divorce my ex’s family too)?

 How often do we hear the lament of the grandparents who now have limited access to their grandchildren as a result of their own children’s vitriolic divorce? What about the nieces and nephews who once had a close relationship with their aunts and uncles? Clearly, a couple’s separation can affect more than just the parties themselves and their own children.

 One of the beautiful things about choosing to mediate instead of litigating your separation is that it allows you to create the possibility of expanding your options rather than limiting them. In a mediated setting, you and your spouse can craft an agreement that benefits both the immediate family as well as the extended family.

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Parenting Plans

One of the most important issues that parents work on together in Mediation is a post-separation parenting plan. Regardless of which type of custody arrangement they choose, most do agree on joint custody which means joint decision making on all the important issues for the children. These include but are not limited to the children’s education, religious instruction, extracurricular activities, their health and well-being.

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Child Custody Arrangments

While we go into great detail about this issue during a Mediation, here is a general overview of the various types of custody arrangements.

For child support purposes in New York State, a child is still considered un-emancipated until the age of 21. The few exceptions to this are if the child marries after 18, joins the armed forces after 18 or works full time after 18 (not including a part time job while they are in college). If a child is still enrolled in a 4 year college and graduating at age 22, parents can opt to continue paying child support until the child graduates.

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What about the Children?

Though some people can’t imagine it, life does go on after a separation or divorce.   Once the agreements are made and everything is finalized, there are still some issues which may require attention, and sometimes, ongoing attention.  One of the most important of these has to do with children.  Although you will no longer be husband and wife to one another, you will always be parents to your children. 

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