DivorceandFamilyMediationCenter.com

Hoist With Your Own Petard

  When people ask me what is necessary in order for a mediation to be successful, my response is “a willingness to cooperate and negotiate in good faith.” These are words of wisdom from my mediation mentor. If the people who walk into my room have even a modicum of intention to that purpose, mediation is possible. Without it . . . well, you know.

Prior to mediation, couples do not have to have agreed to anything, see eye to eye on the issues or necessarily want the same things. What they do need is an intention to work together, plain and simple. When they do, magic can happen.

However there are times when it becomes clear that one (or both) of the parties may be participating either in a disingenuous or self-serving way. In that case, the possibility to create a mutually agreeable outcome is rather slim. Read the rest of this entry »

Perspective

  I love this word and how it pertains to mediation. Webster’s dictionary defines it several ways starting with the original Latin root, perspicere, which means “to look through.” Two other definitions that stand out to me are: 1) The relationship or proportion of the parts of a whole, regarded from a particular standpoint or point in time; 2) A specific point of view in understanding or judging things or events, especially one that shows them in their true relations to one another. So interesting!   Therefore, our perspective depends on where we’re standing (our standpoint) and how we view everything from there. It’s relative, isn’t it? I’ve been pondering and testing this phenomenon lately in all areas of my life and especially see the relevance in my mediation practice. Read the rest of this entry »

My Lawyer Said . . .

How many times have I heard the words: “Well, my lawyer said . . .” while mediating a challenging couple? When that ball gets lobbed over the net, it tends to indicate one or more of the following scenarios:

• That someone is not happy with the direction things are going thus far
• They have an unconscious wish for rescue
• Or they may merely be reciting their “legal entitlement” as a way of getting what they want.

I have a great deal of respect for many matrimonial attorneys. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to advocate for someone who may have unrealistic expectations about the legal process and/or irrational notions about the outcome of a litigated divorce. When emotions are high and the fight or flight instincts are at unparalleled levels, trying to bring calm and reason to the storm is no easy task. It’s no wonder legal fees can be so high. Read the rest of this entry »

Star Trek Wisdom

  Let me start off by disclaiming that I am not a Trekkie. However, I did grow up watching the original Star Trek TV show and readily admit to watching the reruns over the years. I followed up watching the second and third reiteration of the show (loved Patrick Stewart) and saw the first five Star Trek movies. Did I say I wasn’t a Trekkie? Well at least I didn’t dress up as Uhura and attend the conventions! Just watching William Shatner sprout hair post series alone is worth a re-look. Read the rest of this entry »

You’re Invited

I’m Giving a Talk on Divorce Mediation at the Mid Island Clinical Connection 3/2/2012

  I will be speaking on the topic “Divorce and Family Mediation: The Sensible Approach for Families In Transition” at the The Mid Island Clinical Connection this Friday, March 2 from 9:00 to 10:00 a.m.   For couples who are thinking of going through a separation or divorce, there are a myriad of questions, concerns, fears and desires for the future that need to be addressed and ultimately resolved. When the emotional and financial well-being of the entire family is hanging in the balance, the choice that couples make about the process they use to work through their differences can be crucial.   I will examine the differences between a mediated and litigated divorce, walk through the anatomy of a divorce mediation, discuss how mental health professionals can play an active role in the process and explore why, for most couples, it just makes sense to choose this alternative.   This will be an interactive session with your questions being an integral part of the presentation, so please plan to attend.  

The Mid Island Clinical Connection

When: Friday, March 2, 2012

Where: 31 John Street Amityville, NY 1170 Training Center Building (next to Seafield Center – Amityville)

*Amityville stop on the Babylon line of the LIRR

Sign in and light breakfast @ 8:30AM; Networking and Introductions until 9:00AM;

Program begins @ 9:00AM & ends @ 10:00AM Additional networking opportunity 10:00AM – 10:30 AM

If you know anyone who would be interested in attending this event, do not hesitate to forward this Invitation to them.

Ada L Hasloecher

Divorce Mediator / Center Founder

Divorce & Family Mediation Center, LLC

Phone: 631-585-5210

eMail: Info@DivorceandFamilyMediationCenter.com

Irked

  As I was driving to the office one day in early February and listening to NPR (National Public Radio), I noticed that not one, but several broadcasters during the course of the programming, pronounced the month of February as Feb-U-ary. Now these are well educated, well read professionals so I was a little taken aback by the mispronunciation. And it bothered me. Is it so difficult to put the RU in FebRUary? Is it really such a tongue twister? This is not the first time I’ve noticed this trend, but lately it seems to be coming thick and fast and I wondered why I was so irked by it.   Read the rest of this entry »

To Complete or Not To Complete

  One of the many advantages of mediation is that clients set their own pace to accomplish their goals. That said, on a regular basis, I review my client files to see which ones are still open and incomplete – clients who, for a variety of reasons, have not scheduled a follow up session.   Some couples come in and want to get things done “as soon as possible” or as one wife described it: “I’d rather pull the band-aid off fast”. For those couples who want to move forward quickly, we schedule the sessions in a steady stream, they tend to work on issues with each other outside of our meetings and they stay the course until the Settlement Agreement is signed. All of this is accomplished in pretty short order. Read the rest of this entry »

To Everything There Is A Season

  I attended a monthly dinner meeting a few days ago and in kicking off the New Year, it was held at a new venue – a well known restaurant/inn on Long Island. I’ve been there many times before and it is a lovely place.   The meeting took place on January 10th. The outside of the Inn and surrounding grounds were still decked out with holiday lights but nothing prepared me for what I found when I went inside. It was still completely decorated with Christmas trees, ornaments, twinkling lights, and mini-Christmas scenes. Even the requisite poinsettias were still strewn throughout the rooms, dining and otherwise. I counted on my toes and figured out that the 12 days of Christmas had passed 3 days ago. Perhaps I’m splitting hairs here, but there was something about moving into mid-January and still seeing not only the vestiges, but a full blown array of Christmas fare that just didn’t sit right. Read the rest of this entry »

How To Lose 20 Pounds In 20 Minutes!

  I started the New Year with a good laugh – which is always a good thing.   On January 2nd, I was driving past my neighborhood shopping center where a local gymnasium occupies the end cap. Usually, the parking lot is pretty empty. But here it was around noon and there was not a parking space to be had. At first I wondered what the heck was going on! Read the rest of this entry »

Compromise – It’s Not a Dirty Word

  I’m not sure when the word compromise became a dirty work and thus went out of favor. In our current politically correctworld, it seems that we all want to be assured that everyone will get everything they want, when they want it, and in the way they want it. Nice thought. But if life has taught us anything, it is that this is truly a false notion and when you really stop and think about it, a little ridiculous. Read the rest of this entry »