What If One of Us Just Moves Out of the House?

What If One of Us Just Moves Out of the House?

The question of who stays in the house is a big concern when couples are contemplating a separation or divorce.

It is one of the topics that is discussed and negotiated in mediation.  Sometimes couples have been under tremendous duress while living under the same roof and both spouses agree that one of them should move out for a while even though they have nothing in writing.

While it is preferable to have a legal separation agreement in place prior to making this move, for some couples waiting until that happens is extremely difficult and may potentially derail an amicable marital separation.  When couples choose to mediate, they are choosing a less complicated and more harmonious way to separate and divorce. Usually when one spouse moves out of the house, both parties have agreed that this is the best arrangement for both of them and the spouse who stays in the house will not use the leave taking as an excuse to cry “abandonment” in order to try to get the upper hand.

Some couples come to mediation and after having decided to separate or divorce after years of living apart with nothing in writing but a tacit agreement about their circumstances.  In either case, we can begin the mediation from exactly where they are with the understanding that they know what was in their own best interests.

During this period of time, it’s important for the couple to have an agreement about how the mortgage or rent will be paid.  The home is still a marital asset and must continue to be paid regardless of who is currently living in the house.  Both parties lose when marital assets are dissipated.

For those couples who have separated and are concerned about their current living arrangement, we can provide them with a temporary Agreement to allow for a more relaxed and fluid mediation.  With this Agreement in place, the spouse who has moved out, or is about to move out of the home, is not giving up his or her rights to the house, but rather consenting to a more thoughtful approach to deciding what will ultimately be done with the respect to the custody arrangement, the house and equitable distribution of both the assets and debts.

Once all of these issues are addressed, negotiated and agreed to in the mediation process, then a Separation Agreement or Stipulation of Settlement can be drawn up.

Ada L Hasloecher, Mediator / Center Founder

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Separation can bring a much needed “time out” and cooling off period.

Should We Get Separated?

Having sought and found our website, you are already contemplating this very question.  It is indeed an important and very personal one – one that only you can ultimately answer.  Understandably you may be feeling ambivalence, disappointment, disbelief, anxiety and uncertainty. Thinking through your options is an important first step in coming to whatever conclusion is right for you.

There are some couples who come to a mutual agreement that it is best to physically separate from each other. When the parties have participated in couple counseling, and after a thorough process in therapy, have come to realize that the marriage is over and it makes sense to go their separate ways, the next logical step into mediation is a natural one. There are other situations when one spouse wants the separation and the other doesn’t.  Often when one spouse has decided that they want to separate, it will probably happen sooner or later.

To help you consider whether or not to take the steps of separation, the following circumstances may help to clarify whether this is a prudent to step for you:

• You cannot communicate with each other without constantly arguing
• You have completed couple counseling and have determined that a separation from each other is the next logical step to take
• You are both fighting with each other and the tension in the house is impacting the children
• One of you has moved out of the marital home for an extended period of time
• The distrust between the spouses  cannot be resolved in a meaningful way
• You are not even good roommates let alone soul mates
• You have come to realize that your values, philosophy and interests are no longer compatible with each other

A Divorce Mediator can help.

There may be other reasons, not included in this list, that are your own private reasons to contemplate a separation. But the important thing to remember is that if you feel that you can no longer live amicably or comfortably together in the same house, it may be time to consider a separation.

For many couples, a physical separation can bring a much needed “time out” and cooling off period. During this time a reconsideration of the marriage can be explored without the tension of living under one roof.  The opportunity to investigate other means to try to work on the marriage can be considered as can an amicable way to end the marriage. If an amicable ending is imminent, mediation is the certainly the way to go.

Have Questions or Concerns?

Call or eMail Us Today
to Schedule a No-Cost, No-Obligation,Phone Consultation With One of Our Mediators

Phone Us At: 631-585-5210
Note that ALL calls are Confidential!

or eMail Us At: Info@DivorceandFamilyMediationCenter.com

Note: There is a print link embedded within this post, please visit this post to print it.