DivorceandFamilyMediationCenter.com

Perspective

  I love this word and how it pertains to mediation. Webster’s dictionary defines it several ways starting with the original Latin root, perspicere, which means “to look through.” Two other definitions that stand out to me are: 1) The relationship or proportion of the parts of a whole, regarded from a particular standpoint or point in time; 2) A specific point of view in understanding or judging things or events, especially one that shows them in their true relations to one another. So interesting!   Therefore, our perspective depends on where we’re standing (our standpoint) and how we view everything from there. It’s relative, isn’t it? I’ve been pondering and testing this phenomenon lately in all areas of my life and especially see the relevance in my mediation practice. Read the rest of this entry »

My Lawyer Said . . .

How many times have I heard the words: “Well, my lawyer said . . .” while mediating a challenging couple? When that ball gets lobbed over the net, it tends to indicate one or more of the following scenarios:

• That someone is not happy with the direction things are going thus far
• They have an unconscious wish for rescue
• Or they may merely be reciting their “legal entitlement” as a way of getting what they want.

I have a great deal of respect for many matrimonial attorneys. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to advocate for someone who may have unrealistic expectations about the legal process and/or irrational notions about the outcome of a litigated divorce. When emotions are high and the fight or flight instincts are at unparalleled levels, trying to bring calm and reason to the storm is no easy task. It’s no wonder legal fees can be so high. Read the rest of this entry »

To Complete or Not To Complete

  One of the many advantages of mediation is that clients set their own pace to accomplish their goals. That said, on a regular basis, I review my client files to see which ones are still open and incomplete – clients who, for a variety of reasons, have not scheduled a follow up session.   Some couples come in and want to get things done “as soon as possible” or as one wife described it: “I’d rather pull the band-aid off fast”. For those couples who want to move forward quickly, we schedule the sessions in a steady stream, they tend to work on issues with each other outside of our meetings and they stay the course until the Settlement Agreement is signed. All of this is accomplished in pretty short order. Read the rest of this entry »

To Everything There Is A Season

  I attended a monthly dinner meeting a few days ago and in kicking off the New Year, it was held at a new venue – a well known restaurant/inn on Long Island. I’ve been there many times before and it is a lovely place.   The meeting took place on January 10th. The outside of the Inn and surrounding grounds were still decked out with holiday lights but nothing prepared me for what I found when I went inside. It was still completely decorated with Christmas trees, ornaments, twinkling lights, and mini-Christmas scenes. Even the requisite poinsettias were still strewn throughout the rooms, dining and otherwise. I counted on my toes and figured out that the 12 days of Christmas had passed 3 days ago. Perhaps I’m splitting hairs here, but there was something about moving into mid-January and still seeing not only the vestiges, but a full blown array of Christmas fare that just didn’t sit right. Read the rest of this entry »

Mediation – A Means For Better Communication

  In my years as a divorce and family mediator, I’ve seen over and over again what a critical role communication plays in relationships. I’ve also seen how mediation can encourage and improve communication between couples, potentially resulting in one of two very positive outcomes.   One outcome is that the parties are able to communicate and work together in a spirit of cooperation, coming to mutually satisfactory resolutions on all the issues that have to be included in their Settlement Agreement. The couple addresses the needs of the family in a balanced way and their collaboration helps their children make the transition to a new family structure which hopefully will be no less whole and secure for. When this occurs, I consider it a job well done. Read the rest of this entry »

Ada Hasloecher, Mediator & Marty Gofberg, JD – Discuss the Contrast Between a Mediated Divorce and a Litigated Divorce

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THE FIRST STEP

In any major life decision, the first step is always the hardest.  You can spend hours weighing the pros and cons, researching on the Internet, talking to friends and family. . . but eventually you have to take that first step toward resolution.

In a separation/divorce situation there are a number of decisions to be made, the first of which is whether to try mediation or go through litigation.  Not sure of your options?  Then the first step is to pick up the phone and make the call.

When you call the Divorce and Family Mediation Center, you will get a comprehensive overview of the mediation process:

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