This is a common question and concern.

What if I Want a Separation and My Spouse Doesn’t?

My experience tells me that if one person wants out of the marriage, inevitably the separation will occur.  It’s only a matter of time and the method they choose to effectuate process.  When one spouse is reluctant to end the marriage, it puts the “initiating” spouse in a difficult position.  On one hand, the initiating spouse knows how hard this will be on their spouse but on the other hand they may still feel that separating is the best alternative to a marriage that no longer works for them.

In many cases, the news of wanting a separation does not come out of left field to the recipient spouse. But marriage is a complicated matter and when a marriage is showing signs of trouble, it can take months if not years for the wear to begin to rub at the fabric of the relationship. Some couples will try marriage counseling while others feel that it’s too little too late. Other couples will just drift along in a state of status quo neither happy nor unhappy but perhaps staying together for the sake of the children.

Usually the party who calls me to get information about mediation is the one who wants the separation or divorce and has had time to research their options, think about the consequences and taken the bold step to make the first call.  The fact that they have called a mediator, tells me that they want to work on the separation or divorce in the least contentious way possible and in the best interests for the family.

If the party who calls me has not even broached the subject of a separation with their spouse in any significant way, I can coach them about how to have that conversation.  It’s not an easy dialogue to have for sure, but it can be done in a meaningful and empowering way and will certainly set the groundwork for a successful mediation.

Ada L Hasloecher
Divorce Mediator / Center Founder

Divorce & Family Mediation Center, LLC

Phone: 631-585-5210

eMail: Info@DivorceandFamilyMediationCenter.com

Note: There is a print link embedded within this post, please visit this post to print it.

What If One of Us Just Moves Out of the House?

What If One of Us Just Moves Out of the House?

The question of who stays in the house is a big concern when couples are contemplating a separation or divorce.

It is one of the topics that is discussed and negotiated in mediation.  Sometimes couples have been under tremendous duress while living under the same roof and both spouses agree that one of them should move out for a while even though they have nothing in writing.

While it is preferable to have a legal separation agreement in place prior to making this move, for some couples waiting until that happens is extremely difficult and may potentially derail an amicable marital separation.  When couples choose to mediate, they are choosing a less complicated and more harmonious way to separate and divorce. Usually when one spouse moves out of the house, both parties have agreed that this is the best arrangement for both of them and the spouse who stays in the house will not use the leave taking as an excuse to cry “abandonment” in order to try to get the upper hand.

Some couples come to mediation and after having decided to separate or divorce after years of living apart with nothing in writing but a tacit agreement about their circumstances.  In either case, we can begin the mediation from exactly where they are with the understanding that they know what was in their own best interests.

During this period of time, it’s important for the couple to have an agreement about how the mortgage or rent will be paid.  The home is still a marital asset and must continue to be paid regardless of who is currently living in the house.  Both parties lose when marital assets are dissipated.

For those couples who have separated and are concerned about their current living arrangement, we can provide them with a temporary Agreement to allow for a more relaxed and fluid mediation.  With this Agreement in place, the spouse who has moved out, or is about to move out of the home, is not giving up his or her rights to the house, but rather consenting to a more thoughtful approach to deciding what will ultimately be done with the respect to the custody arrangement, the house and equitable distribution of both the assets and debts.

Once all of these issues are addressed, negotiated and agreed to in the mediation process, then a Separation Agreement or Stipulation of Settlement can be drawn up.

Ada L Hasloecher, Mediator / Center Founder

What About the House? Or Click Here.

Have Questions or Concerns?

Call or eMail Us Today
to Schedule a No-Cost, No-Obligation, Phone Consultation With One of Our Mediators

Note that ALL calls are Confidential!

Phone Us At: 631-585-5210

or eMail Us At: Info@DivorceandFamilyMediationCenter.com

Note: There is a print link embedded within this post, please visit this post to print it.

Click Play Buttons below for audio answers to Your Questions:

By Ada L Hasloecher, Center Founder / Mediator

A Divorce Mediator guides and facilitates the voluntary agreements divorcing couples make with each other.

What is Divorce Mediation?

In general, mediation is voluntary process in which an unbiased, impartial third party helps people negotiate with each other to create and develop their own agreements.  Divorce mediation focuses on the couple, their children and the well being of the entire family as it transitions into a new family structure.  In this self -determining process, the mediator, as a neutral party, helps to put the decision making in the hands of the couple by guiding and facilitating the voluntary agreements they make with each other.

In mediation, the parties determine for themselves what is ultimately in their best interest and the best interest of their children.  Mediation puts the decision making into the hands of the participants and with the guidance of the mediator the parties work through the issues until they reach mutually agreeable resolutions.  The spirit of mediation is that there are no winners or losers, including, of course, the children.  It is in this spirit that couples are able to negotiate with each other in good faith and for the welfare of all concerned. In a litigated divorce, each party is represented by an attorney and the lawyers do the negotiating for you.

A Mediator is a highly trained professional in conflict resolution.

There is a misleading perception that in order for mediation to work the couple must get along and have their issues worked out in advance.  This is simply not true.  It certainly helps if the couple has some idea about what they would like to do, but it is not necessary for a mediation to be successful.  A mediator is a highly trained professional in conflict resolution and knows how to keep the couple on track, minimize conflict, find common ground and advance mutual interests. Even in cases with high conflict and high net worth couples, many have successfully completed mediation and expressed satisfaction that not only were their needs met but felt relief that the process enabled them to feel dignified and respected.

Mediation does require a willingness to cooperate, full disclosure, and an ability to negotiate in good faith. We welcome couples who may feel uncertain of their ability to mediate together.  Our experience has shown us that couples who may fall in that category find that once they come to the table, they are able to talk through their differences, find common ground, and negotiate a workable solution that benefits them both.

Mediation Provides - Agreement - At Last!

After completion of the mediation, a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) is written up.  This is a document that details all of the agreements that have been made between the parties.  The MOU can then be converted into a legal document (either a Separation Agreement or Stipulation of Settlement).

How Long Does Mediating a Divorce Take? Or Click Here.

Have Questions or Concerns?

Call or eMail Us Today
to Schedule a No-Cost, No-Obligation,Phone Consultation With One of Our Mediators

Phone Us At: 631-585-5210
Note that ALL calls are Confidential!

or eMail Us At: Info@DivorceandFamilyMediationCenter.com

Note: There is a print link embedded within this post, please visit this post to print it.