Get Adobe Flash player

What if I Want a Separation and My Spouse Doesn’t?

What if I Want a Separation
but My Spouse Doesn’t?

Ada Hasloecher of Divorce and Family Mediation Center talks about divorce and mediation.

What if I Want a Separation and My Spouse Doesn’t?

This is a common question and concern.

My experience tells me that if one person wants out of the marriage, inevitably the separation will occur.  It’s only a matter of time and the method they choose to effectuate process.  When one spouse is reluctant to end the marriage, it puts the “initiating” spouse in a difficult position.  On one hand, the initiating spouse knows how hard this will be on their spouse but on the other hand they may still feel that separating is the best alternative to a marriage that no longer works for them.

In many cases, the news of wanting a separation does not come out of left field to the recipient spouse. But marriage is a complicated matter and when a marriage is showing signs of trouble, it can take months if not years for the wear to begin to rub at the fabric of the relationship. Some couples will try marriage counseling while others feel that it’s too little too late. Other couples will just drift along in a state of status quo neither happy nor unhappy but perhaps staying together for the sake of the children.

Usually the party who calls me to get information about mediation is the one who wants the separation or divorce and has had time to research their options, think about the consequences and taken the bold step to make the first call.  The fact that they have called a mediator, tells me that they want to work on the separation or divorce in the least contentious way possible and in the best interests for the family.

If the party who calls me has not even broached the subject of a separation with their spouse in any significant way, I can coach them about how to have that conversation.  It’s not an easy dialogue to have for sure, but it can be done in a meaningful and empowering way and will certainly set the groundwork for a successful mediation.

“If I were asked if I would use the mediation process again, I would say “definitely yes.” I found our mediator to be a very caring and concerned individual who really did want to see us succeed in our futures.”

Diane H.
Coram, Long Island, NY

Ada L Hasloecher
Divorce Mediator / Center Founder

Divorce & Family Mediation Center, LLC

Phone: 631-585-5210



Print Friendly

One Response to “What if I Want a Separation and My Spouse Doesn’t?”

  • maureen:

    In your article about “What if I Want a Separation
    but My Spouse Doesn’t?”
    you said you coach on how to have that conversation. Can you give me some ideas?

Leave a Reply

Recent Comments
Call Us Today!

Call Us Today
to Schedule a
Private Consultation


ALL calls are Confidential!

$50 Off Certificate
Email Newsletter icon, E-mail Newsletter icon, Email List icon, E-mail List icon To Get $50 Off Your First Mediation Session - Enter Your Email Address Here
On the Radio
I had the privilege of discussing the divorce mediation process with Dr. Duffy Spencer at WHPC-FM 90.3 on her show, Just Relationships. Click below to listen and learn why mediation is a good alternative to litigation.
Part 1: Part 2:
Recent Articles
  • {3:54 minutes to read} Depending on which statistical analysis you’ve heard or read, the prevailing wisdom is that we 21st century, technology driven, heads down/hands poised on cell phones/tablets/computers generation, now absorb more information in one single day than our great, great, great grandparents did in their entire lifetimes! Wow. That’s a whole lotta, lotta, [...]
  • {4:36 minutes to read} . . . with great care, concern and compassion. Easier said than done, I know. There are times when a potential client inquiring about my mediation services will tell me that they’re ready to start the process, but they haven’t even broached the subject with their spouse yet. Mainly, they don’t [...]
  • {3:30 minutes to read} Jim* sat there during the third session, looking like someone who had been shot from a cannon. This was clearly still not easy for him, not by a long shot. Ann* had been unemployed for a while now as they had agreed that she should stay home and take care of [...]
  • {2:48 minutes to read} For those of you who read my blogs on a regular basis, please forgive the possible redundancy here. But a colleague of mine recently asked me to write an article for her website addressing the 5 things people don’t know about divorce mediation. I thought it would be a good idea [...]
  • {3:12 minutes to read} I was visiting friends on Fire Island this summer (We love those friends with houses out there!) and picked up the July issue of the monthly Fire Island Tide newspaper at the local market. On page 12 of this particular issue was the “Police Blotter,” which lists the various actions police [...]

The Divorce and Family Mediation Center, LLC & Ada L Hasloecher provide divorce mediation, legal separation mediation, and divorce advise services for couples that are considering a divorce or legal separation in Long Island, LI, New York.

Divorce and Legal Separation Services are available in the following towns & cities in Suffolk County New York - Melville, NY 11747, 11775, East Northport, NY 11731, Hauppauge, NY 11788, Lake Grove, NY 11755, Medford, NY 11763, Brentwood, NY 11717, Greenlawn, NY 11470, Stony Brook, NY 11790, 11794, West Babylon, NY 11704, 11707, Commack, NY 11725, Patchogue, NY 11772, West Islip, NY 11795, Ronkonkoma, NY 11779, Shirley, NY 11967, Coram, NY 11727, Copiague, NY 11726, Centereach, NY 11720, Huntington Station, NY 11746, 11750, Islip, NY 11751, Islip Terrace, NY 11752, Centerport, NY 11721, Holtsville, NY 00501, 00544, 11742, Huntington, NY 11743, North Babylon, NY 11703, Calverton, NY, 11933, Islandia, NY 11749, 11760, Moriches, NY 11955, Bellmore, NY 11710, Lindenhurst, NY 11757, Saint James, NY 11780, Babylon, NY 11702, Smithtown, NY, 11787, Miller Place, NY 11764, Nesconset, NY 11767, Kings Park, NY 11754, Westhampton, NY 11977, Blue Point, NY 11715, Rocky Point, NY 11778, Bay Shore, NY 11706, Central Islip, NY 11722, Sayville, NY 11782, Middle Island, NY 11953, Bridgehampton, NY 11932, Selden NY, 11784, Yaphank, NY 11980, Ridge, NY 11961, Wading River, NY 11797, Bohemia, NY 11716, Sound Beach, NY 11789, Deer Park, NY 11729, Riverhead, NY 11901, Cutchogue, NY 11935, West Sayville, NY 11796, Mastic, NY, 11950, East Quogue, NY 11942.

Ada Hasloecher is a Divorce Mediator and provides affordable Legal Separation and Divorce services in the following towns & cities in Nassau County, New York - Levittown, NY 11756, Hicksville, NY 11801, 11802, 11815, 11819, 11854, 11855, Plainview, NY 11803, Lynbrook. NY 11563, Garden City, NY 11530, 11531, 11535, 11536, 11599, Roslyn Heights, NY 11577, East Meadow, NY 11554, Elmont, NY 11003, Mineola, NY 11501, New Hyde Park, NY 11040, 11041, 11042, 11043, 11044, 11099, Massapequa , NY 11758, Oceanside, NY 11572, Hempstead, NY 11549, 11550, 11551, Floral Park, NY 11001, 11002, Westbury, NY 11590, 11594, 11595, 11597, Freeport, NY 11520, Great Neck NY, 11020, 11021, 11022, 11023, 11024, 11025, 11026, 11027, Uniondale, NY 11553, 11555, 11556, Albertson, NY  11507, Syosset, NY 11773, 11791, Island Park, 11558, Valley Stream, NY 11580, 11581, 11582, Wantagh, NY 11793, Woodbury, NY 11797, Manhasset, NY 11030, Baldwin NY, 11510, Merrick, NY 11566, Jericho, NY 11753, 11853, Rockville Centre, NY 11570, 11571, 11592, Bethpage, NY 11714, Williston Park, NY 11596, Roslyn, NY 11576, East Rockaway, NY 11518, East Norwich, NY 11732, Farmingdale 11735, 11736, 11737, 11774, Malverne, NY 11565, Woodmere, NY 11598, Glenwood Landing, NY 11547, Roosevelt, NY 11575, Franklin Square, NY 11010, Carle Place, 11514, Sea Cliff, NY 11579, Port Washington, NY 11050, 11051, 11052, 11053, 11054, 11055, Glen Cove, NY 11542, Massapequa Park , 11762, and Brooklyn NY.

Legal Separation, and Divorce Mediation are available through Ada Hasloecher, Divorce Mediator, and the in the following towns & cities in Queens County, New York - Flushing, NY 11351, 11352, 11354, 11355, 11358, 11367, 11371, 11381, 11390, Forest Hills, NY 11375, Kew Gardens, NY 11415, Rego Park, NY 11374, Floral Park, NY 11005, Ozone Park, NY 11416, 11417, Corona, NY 11368, Woodhaven, NY 11421, Bayside, NY 11359, 11360, 11361, Springfield Gardens, NY 11413, Little Neck, NY 11362, 11363, Glen Oaks, NY 11004, Richmond Hill, NY 11418, Fresh Meadows, NY 11365, 11366, Bellerose, NY 11426, Whitestone, NY 11357, Howard Beach, NY 11414, South Ozone Park, NY 11420, Oakland Gardens, NY 11364, Far Rockaway, NY 11690, 11691, 11693, 11695, Hollis, NY 11423.