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You Are Not Alone
Ada L. Hasloecher2017-01-24T05:11:32-05:00Categories: Divorce/Separation Emotions, Family & Divorce, Mediation Process, Perspective, Separation & Divorce Mediation, Two|Tags: Ada Hasloecher, Children and Divorce, Communication, Divorce, Divorce Mediation, Feelings of Loneliness in Divorce, Foreclosure, Normalcy in Divorce, Shame in Divorce|5 Comments
This is so very true and such an important reminder – to listen for not only all the parties’ interests, but for the feelings and needs underlying those interests as well, such as shame, as you so capably point out. Normalizing is such an important tool for us as mediators, and in my experience we use it again and again in mediation, starting from the first moments when a couple walks into our offices. One of the first things I do when meeting with a couple for the first time is to acknowledge that this is probably not the place they would choose to be, and that most people who have sat in their seats feel anxious, uncertain and worried about what will transpire in this process and exactly what is going to happen here. I find that there is uniformly a palpable, if unspoken, sign and nod of agreement when I share that with people, and a tentative “calm” that settles the parties, at least for those first moments, which can be, for them, terrifying.
Ada, this is such an important element of effective mediation. I have found that when we normalize their experience and validate that their thoughts and feelings are normal and typical, you can see an immediate sense of relief and increased comfort for those involved in the mediation.
Beautifully articulated, Ada.
Thank you.
Being alone is a perception. Shame can make you isolate yourself so you may be creating your own misery. There is plenty of help out there for those who chose to go after it. I hope part of the mediation process is giving our clients tangible resources so they can rebuild their lives. I’m sure Ada does. How about the rest of us?
You touched on a very important element of mediation Ada.