A Wife’s Fervent Plea for Mediation by Ada Hasloecher{4:42 minutes to read} Every once in awhile, a client will send me something that goes right to the heart of mediation. I’m working with a couple who have been back and forth with threats to stop and go the lawyer route – even though they both know it is not in their best interest to do so.

After a rather torrid session, the wife wrote a letter to the husband, and she agreed to let me share it with you. Of course I changed their names and anything very personal to them. If this isn’t a plea for sanity, I don’t know what is.

Dear Sam,

I do hope you will read over this plea which I hope will change the path of our lives moving forward. Like you, this time in my life is extremely painful and filled with so much uncertainty. What we once had together is gone and as you always said (to quote from a Jimmy Buffet song): “Some of it’s magic, some if it’s tragic, but we had a good life all the way.”

We can choose two routes to take – one that will continue the everyday pain, hurt, emotional torture towards each other and tear apart each of our children, thus turning them into angry, hateful, untrusting, distraught children; the other route – allowing them to be the loved, well-adjusted and trustful children they are now.

So let’s stop all this going nowhere crap. We don’t have an empire to divide. We can go through 4 or 5 years of huge monetary expenses and make the lawyers happy and ruin both of our businesses. But more importantly, have hate, hate, hate oozing out of every pore of our and our children’s bodies and minds. We have a chance right now to change this, make this easier for them, let them see and feel that they are so very loved and will always be loved, taken care of by both of us – just in a different way. Why would we want to stop that now? How could we? I don’t want to and I know you don’t either.

Sam, you know that I am not a slacker. I, like you, have worked every day of my life since the age of 13. We have done a good job of raising and taking care of all of our children’s needs from day one – raising them with the morals and values that we both share.

I am not asking for the moon. What I am asking is to go back to mediation and work this all out. I know we will figure out how to take care of our children together. We always have. The sooner we get this over with, the better so we can both move on with our lives.

So please, agree to go back to mediation and work out how we are going to support our children, keep a roof over their heads, food in their mouths, healthcare, tuition…. That’s our job and we must work together. No speaking badly about each other, only making the right decisions for them in their everyday lives from this day forward. We must have rules and guidelines with the children and be on the same page. I will respect your voice, please respect mine. Then the children will see this and respect and love both of us. If this is the only good that will come out of our 20 something years together, that’s something! Please, I hope you agree. I know you are a good father and you know I am a good mother. Let’s just be that together as our most important gift to our children.

Fondly,

Sharon

AMEN!

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Ada L. Hasloecher

Divorce Mediator / Center Founder
Divorce & Family Mediation Center, LLC
Phone: 631-585-5210
eMail: Info@DFMCLI.com
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