DivorceandFamilyMediationCenter.com

To Everything There Is A Season

  I attended a monthly dinner meeting a few days ago and in kicking off the New Year, it was held at a new venue – a well known restaurant/inn on Long Island. I’ve been there many times before and it is a lovely place.   The meeting took place on January 10th. The outside of the Inn and surrounding grounds were still decked out with holiday lights but nothing prepared me for what I found when I went inside. It was still completely decorated with Christmas trees, ornaments, twinkling lights, and mini-Christmas scenes. Even the requisite poinsettias were still strewn throughout the rooms, dining and otherwise. I counted on my toes and figured out that the 12 days of Christmas had passed 3 days ago. Perhaps I’m splitting hairs here, but there was something about moving into mid-January and still seeing not only the vestiges, but a full blown array of Christmas fare that just didn’t sit right. Read the rest of this entry »

The “No Surprise” Ending

*names changed

We all know the story or some version of it: A couple decides to separate, they hire attorneys, end up in court and everyone loses one way or the other. It’s an adversarial process by its very nature, takes a great deal of time and keeps the parties at odds with each other which only pro-longs the process and increases the costs even more!

A few years ago I worked with a couple in a challenging mediation where the wife felt as the sessions progressed, that she should be “entitled” to more. Despite these feelings, she was willing to negotiate and did a very good job protecting her interests. They completed the mediation and in the end, given their resources, they worked out a pretty fair and equitable settlement – or so it seemed to me. Read the rest of this entry »

 

The Emotional Divorce

The decision to seek a divorce or separation is in most cases, a difficult one. It is often preceded by months (if not years) of contemplation and thought. Your mind is torn between many differing emotions: confusion, anger, frustration, fear. You ask yourself:

 

• Should I stay or leave?
• Will he or she change?
• How will it affect me?
• How will it affect the children?
• Should we look at a “trial separation” first?

These are only a few of the thoughts that go through your mind as you consider what to do.

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What about the Children?

Though some people can’t imagine it, life does go on after a separation or divorce.   Once the agreements are made and everything is finalized, there are still some issues which may require attention, and sometimes, ongoing attention.  One of the most important of these has to do with children.  Although you will no longer be husband and wife to one another, you will always be parents to your children. 

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Finally!! New York State is a No Fault State.

Finally!! It’s No Fault Divorce for New York State

On October 13, 2010, New York finally joined the other 49 states to allow a no-fault divorce.  This means that thankfully, couples no longer have to allege marital misconduct and suffer the emotional trauma it causes, because it is no longer part of the legal landscape.

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How Does The Budget Look Once We Are Separated?

Good question!  One of the biggest concerns when contemplating a separation or divorce has to do with finances.  How are we going to afford to live separately and apart?  Some couples have already thought it through and considered it to some degree, but there are many seemingly inconsequential details that have to be taken into consideration.

I believe that before we can move forward in any meaningful way, one of the most important things to be done is to fill out, what I refer to as, a post-separation budget form.

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THE FIRST STEP

In any major life decision, the first step is always the hardest.  You can spend hours weighing the pros and cons, researching on the Internet, talking to friends and family. . . but eventually you have to take that first step toward resolution.

In a separation/divorce situation there are a number of decisions to be made, the first of which is whether to try mediation or go through litigation.  Not sure of your options?  Then the first step is to pick up the phone and make the call.

When you call the Divorce and Family Mediation Center, you will get a comprehensive overview of the mediation process:

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If one person wants out of the marriage, inevitably the separation will occur. It’s only a matter of time and the method they choose to effectuate process. When one spouse is reluctant to end the marriage, it puts the “initiating” spouse in a difficult position. On one hand, the initiating spouse knows how hard this will be on their spouse but on the other hand they may still feel that separating is the best alternative to a marriage that no longer works for them. Read the rest of this entry »

The question of who stays in the house is a big concern when couples are contemplating a separation or divorce. It is one of the topics that is discussed and negotiated in separation & divorce mediation. Read the rest of this entry »

When couples are separating the question of what happens to the house is a big topic of conversation and negotiation during the separation mediation. Read the rest of this entry »