9 Years a Slave to the System

{4:06 minutes to read} A friend and dear colleague of mine has been going through the matrimonial legal system for a total of 9 years. Yes, you heard that right—9 long years shackled to the adversarial/court system. It took 5 years getting the final divorce settlement, but then 4 more years to litigate the non-compliance of that settlement. Every time she thinks it’s almost over … No! There’s always one more thing.

Whenever we have lunch together, she brings me up to date on the most recent insanity. Her soon-to-be-ex-husband is an attorney. He knows how to game the system. He knows how to play the delay game and he’s done it very well.

Oddly enough, he’s the one who wanted out, and yet, he did everything he could to make her life miserable. He even accused her of something (that was not true) which put her livelihood in jeopardy and prevented her from being able to earn a living while the case was pending.

Though she is a friend, I’m not taking her side. I’ve been involved in this world long enough to know there’s always plenty of blame to go around. But I do know this about her—there isn’t a vicious bone in her body.

Along the way, she has been through 3 attorneys, losing confidence in each of them, the judicial system and the whole “bloody mess” as she calls it. At this point, she just wants to be done and put it behind her, but the system being what it is, she has to let it play itself out. She’s almost there—or so she hopes.

She says the system is broken, broken, broken … and if only people knew that before they went to court, they would do everything in their power to avoid it.

Here is what she told me to share with anyone even thinking of going to court:

1. If you think you will get your fair share in the end, think again. No one cares about your side of the story. There isn’t enough time or the resources to get to the bottom of it no matter how bad your case may be.
2. If you think your ex is hiding things from you, the system isn’t going to look for it. You can hire a forensic accountant on your own to prove it, which is just more money you have to spend to get a fair deal.
3. All your money will end up with your attorney—not you. Your time in the system will ensure that all your money is wrung out of you.
4. Everything takes what feels like forever—years and years of time. The courts are so backed up. Take a number! You’re not any better than someone standing in a bakery line.
5. The attorneys will discourage you from moving out of the house while the case is pending. So if your case goes on for 5, 6, 9 years, that’s 5, 6, 9 years of a living hell.
6. Your children are suffering. Your children will continue to suffer and the system doesn’t care about it. You do, they don’t.

Litigation or mediation? Think about it.