Stocking the Larder

Before refrigeration was the rule of the day, most homes had a larder. A larder was a pantry, cupboard or cellar where food was stored, most of which was canned or preserved from the fresh foods of the season. This supply held families in good stead through the fallow season which often lasted from harvest to midsummer the following year. We take so much for granted these days, but it wasn’t that long ago that reaping and preserving was the difference between eating and surviving… or not.

Stocking the larder was a family affair and one that each member took seriously. All hands were involved in every aspect of saving and savoring each treasured morsel that would lovingly and carefully be preserved. Preserving and storing these goods prevented scarcity in times of real scarcity. In the time between when winter was over and the spring planting was able to produce even a modicum of food supply (and this was if there were no delays or destruction of the planting caused by late spring snowstorms), the precious foods in the pantry forestalled starvation and even death.

I was reminded of this concept of “stocking the larder” during one particular mediation, although not quite in such drastic terms. But the idea that there may be a fallow season, once the separation of combined incomes and assets becomes a reality, may trigger uncharacteristic behavior in someone who, under normal circumstances, would behave quite rationally.

In this case, once the mediation began, the wife went on a spending bender. The fact that she and her husband had joint credit cards, and he was going to see the statements during the next billing cycle, didn’t seem to enter her mind. In her panic that “the party was over,” she went a little wild purchasing all kinds of things in anticipation of what she considered her fallow season. The husband flipped out when he saw the bills, and of course we mediated what he considered outlandish spending.

This was not the first time I experienced this in mediation, and it will certainly not be the last. If only she was able to see this with her “rational” mind, she would soon realize that no matter how much she purchased, nothing was going to satisfy her sense of scarcity. Those Gucci boots, those expensive cosmetics – empty and meaningless.

Were things going to be tight for a little while? Yes.

Were starvation and death around the corner? No.

When we come from scarcity rather than abundance, it closes our minds to the wealth around us and prevents us from thinking logically and clearly.

As the mediation progressed, it became apparent that things were not as dire as she first thought they were going to be. And that’s the beauty of mediation. In a relaxed and reasonable setting, they were able to discuss their financial situation rationally, work things out together, and find a sensible solution to what she came to see as her fear-based reaction.

By the way, he let her keep the boots.