What is FOMO and Why Should I Care?

{4:12 minutes to read}

There are so many acronyms these days between emails/texts, Facebook, Twitter and the like that, unless you are engaged in it regularly, you just can’t figure out what the heck they mean. The obvious ones being: LOL; IMHO; BTW; and BFF.

One day I was speaking with my sister, Judith, who lives in Seattle, and I was lamenting a bit about how far flung our family has become with only a few of us still in the New York area. She is on the west coast, my mother lives in Florida, our other sister lives in New Hampshire and one niece with my two grand-nieces moved to Massachusetts. And that’s only our immediate family!

Try as I might, it’s difficult to stay involved and be there for every family event without going mad, given the great distances (virtually impossible to do in one day), all the arrangements and being off for blocks of time. Judith listened intently and then declared that I was suffering from FOMO. What’s that I asked? Fear Of Missing Out. Ahhhh – she hit the nail on the head.

Having moved to the west coast in the late 80s, she got used to missing many of the “light” family events and saved her time and miles for the really important ones. It got me thinking about this concept of “missing out,” and it occurred to me that my clients often walk into the mediation with a fear that they may “miss something” – I’ll call it FOMS.

What is that “something?” Well, it’s whatever is crucially important to them that they don’t want to forget to address during the mediation. Given the state of overwhelm they often feel, especially at the beginning of the process, they worry that they will forget to bring it up and it will simply get “lost in the sauce” somehow.

This is where your experienced mediator is so important. We rarely, if ever, forget to address all the little details that even the client may not think to bring up! For example:

1. What about the parent who wants the children to learn how to handle firearms and the other parent does not want them to even be around them?
2. What will happen and how to address it when a special needs child turns 18 and is considered an adult?
3. What if your entire extended family always celebrates Memorial Day weekend together in another state and you are worried that you will have to alternate years of sharing that special weekend?
4. What if one parent has a drug, alcohol or other deficit that puts the children’s safety in jeopardy when the children are with that parent?
5. What happens with the beneficiaries on your life insurance policies post separation?
6. What if this, what if that, what, what what??!
7. You get the picture? And this is merely a short list of items and issues that we address in a mediation.

Remember – you are a family in transition. All the things that were important to you during the marriage are as important now… if not more so. As your mediator, I promise you it will all be addressed in great detail and with great care. We leave no stone unturned so you don’t have to experience FOMS! We have your back.