Is the Beeping Bad?

{3:30 minutes to read} I have a friend whose uncle is in his 70s and has been a lucky guy in that he has been hale and hearty his entire life. In fact, he had never been hospitalized for anything. Until he was. Not too long ago, he had a minor medical condition that required an operation and a subsequent few day’s stay in the hospital.

Needless to say, he was terrified, although he wouldn’t necessarily cop to the emotion. My friend and her mother (his sister) spent a good deal of time visiting him to comfort him and help keep his spirits up until he was released.

My friend regaled me with stories about how he was driving the entire staff absolutely crazy with a thousand questions every time one of them walked into the room. Of course he was asking questions — he had no experience with this, so everything was new and nerve-wracking for him. Although we shared a good laugh as my friend recounted the barrage of questions with which he was peppering the doctors, nurses, the nurse’s aides, even the candy striper…. one particular question, really struck me.

He was hooked up to all kinds of monitors, an IV drip and who knows what else. The electronic machines monitor body temperature, heart rate and a variety of other vitals and give off a constant array of sounds and signals. When a nurse walked into the room to check on him, he asked her: “Is the beeping bad?”

Hilarious, I know. But still such an important question to be answered for one who has no idea what it all means. It got me thinking about what my couples are going through in mediation. In the past, I had so often been asked:

• How are we doing?
• Are we your most difficult client?
• I’ll bet you’ve never seen anyone like us before!

In the grand scheme of things, how could they possibly know how they are doing, progressing, evolving unless someone in the know tells them?

During the course of the mediations, especially if there has been a particularly challenging session, I always acknowledge the job they’re doing and the progress they have made so far. I don’t expect them to be able to see the forest for the trees. That’s MY job. And I also think it’s my job to help them see what I see; that despite what they may believe, they ARE moving toward a resolution. So when the session is over, I remind them what was accomplished at that meeting and where we will pick up at the next one. Beep, beep, beep……

Now they know that the beeping is not only NOT bad … It’s actually GOOD.