The Greek Chorus and Your Divorce

{4 minutes to read}  Let’s begin by understanding what a Greek Chorus actually is. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it thusly:

1. A chorus in a classical Greek play typically serving to formulate, express, and comment on the moral issue that is raised by the dramatic action or to express an emotion appropriate to each stage of the dramatic conflict.
2. A group of people who, with persistence, express similar views or feelings about a particular action or series of actions.

If we are fortunate enough, we have those “go-to” people in our lives who are there for us in all the important ways we need them to be, and particularly when we are going through a difficult or troublesome time. A sudden job loss; serious health issue; family crisis; and impending divorce come to mind. Your “go-to” person can be a parent, sibling, friend, or a close co-worker… and that’s great.

We all need someone in our corner when the going gets rough. Someone we can talk to, confide in, sort things out with, and most importantly, express ourselves totally and completely without feeling that we have to hold anything back to make ourselves look good. But there can be a downside to this — especially after a while.

Think about the times someone has come to you with their travails and after asking you to listen… and listen… and listen… and then they didn’t take any kind of effective action, and just continued to complain.

Or if they ultimately asked you for your take on the matter or asked for outright advice — what if they didn’t take it? After a while, how did that make you feel? Probably not so good.

Now let’s say you’re the one going through a separation or divorce and you ask your “go-to” person or persons to listen and/or give advice and they do. What if, as the second definition above reveals, they are persistent in their views and feelings? They keep saying the same thing to you, and you don’t heed what they have to say or don’t do what they suggest.

What if they give you advice that conflicts with your core values, where does that leave you? You’ll have to explain why they don’t “get it” and why you can’t take what they deem as wise counsel. Now you have two problems on your hands — the one you came to them with and the possible alienation of the relationship because you didn’t listen to their Greek Chorus offering.

In Woody Allen’s award-winning movie Mighty Aphrodite, one of the funniest running bits in the movie is F. Murray Abraham playing the leader of the Greek Chorus, who wreaks havoc on the protagonist in the story. We are always surrounded by well-meaning “advisors” but in the end, we are the ones who have to live with the decisions we make.

All people have their own stuff. While they may be willing to help you out if they can, after a while they may get fatigued and annoyed by your problems because they are likely dealing with their own. It’s better to seek the counsel of a professional therapist and leave your friends and family to do what they are known to do best — ruining your Thanksgiving!