During Your Separation Process, You May Want to Pause Your Social Media Engagement

{3:30 minutes to read}  I think it’s safe to say that we all feel that we are living in a very fast-paced world these days — there is no doubt about that. A great part of that experience has to do with our involvement with our techie devices and the total absorption with them. You only have to look around you (if you are not already looking down at your device as you read this) to see a vast majority of the population walking around with their heads down, looking at their smartphones. I was at the beach last weekend and I can’t tell you how many people were missing the beautiful vistas that day.

As with everything in life, there is always an upside and a downside to things. Most of us tend to focus on the upside and dismiss the downside but I think we do this at our peril. There can be unintended consequences when we neglect to consider that very important perspective.

The upside with social media is that we are more informed, more engaged, more connected, more, more, more … and that’s the downside of it as well. As the acronym goes: TMI. (For the uninitiated, that means “too much information.”) While I see the advantage of text messaging and sharing photos and information on social media platforms, I have seen the dark side of it as well in my mediation practice.

To give you a few examples:

Text Messages: Many people are now using texting as their sole means of communication. I wrote an article about this a while ago but what I see happening more frequently is an even greater lack of civility and thoughtfulness.

Texting has become a weapon of major destruction. Most of us don’t realize that it is memorializing sentiments that cannot be taken back. When used to communicate short bits of information (pick-up time for a child, for example), that’s good. But when it’s used to eviscerate the other person’s character and intentions, it can have unintended consequences.

Facebook/Instagram/Twitter: Although you may have total control (or think you do) over what you are posting, you have absolutely no control over what someone else is posting.

I was working with a couple where the husband’s new “significant other” posted her engagement ring on her Facebook page much to the surprise and shock of the wife. That situation pushed the work we were doing together back significantly until everyone calmed down.

And, don’t forget that your children may be privy to these postings as well.

Voicemail Messages: These can be saved and usually are. We tend not to think about what we say when we leave messages, but they are another way to document misspoken words. Once out, you cannot put the genie back in the bottle.

So, I would say: Take a moment before you post, text, type, or leave a voicemail message and think about what YOUR intentions are and the potential unintended consequences of your words and deeds. And, when in doubt, DON’T.