Yes! We Have No Bananas

{3 minutes to read}  “Yes! We Have No Bananas” is a novelty song written in 1922 by Frank Silver and Irving Cohn that still makes me smile when I hear it. It has been recorded by scores of people over the years as kind of a nonsense song. It came to my mind recently when my husband and I were negotiating “gap” insurance for our new leased vehicle and trying to understand the contract — which was written in complete legal mumble jumble gobbledygook! “Yes! We Have No Bananas” is what I said to my husband on the drive home.

The long story short is that “gap” insurance is the insurance that covers you against not living into the financial entirety of the contract in the event your car is totaled, stolen or there is a “total loss” in a claim. Typically, you have to pay extra money for this gap insurance, but in the case of our new car it was (or so the car dealership said) included in the lease contract. When we read the contract, we read it to mean that we would be on the hook for this gap. Now I know how to read contracts – I do it every day – and I was still confused. Were we covered automatically as our sales agent and the financing person claimed? We finally had to call the leasing company and couldn’t get a straight answer there, so finally we called the bank who holds the lease and had to speak to several people until we got our answer. We were covered. But jeez!

The bottom line question is this: Why, oh why, can’t contracts be written in plain, easy-to-read English?! Our leasing contract was written in double negatives; vague and equivocating language and just flat-out confusing concepts. In short – mumble jumble meant to confuse the consumer. And guess what? It did.

Mediation clients can be dazed and confused enough with the whole separation process and all the daunting aspects that go with their decision. My Settlement Agreements are written in plain, clear, concise and easy-to-read language. I work with a drafting attorney who turns my plain, clear and concise Memorandum of Understanding into a readable and understandable document. No law degree required! No fine print! No double negatives to further daze and confuse.

I always say I’m a straight-up girl. I like things straightforward and as simple to understand as possible. It’s really not complicated to do if your intention is to un-complicate things… and that is my intention. So — Yes, We Have Your Bananas. We Have your Bananas Today!