The Party Pooper

{3:12 minutes to read} I was visiting friends on Fire Island this summer (We love those friends with houses out there!) and picked up the July issue of the monthly Fire Island Tide newspaper at the local market. On page 12 of this particular issue was the “Police Blotter,” which lists the various actions police are called upon to intervene. This was the first (in my mind, hilarious) notice:

On June 13th, an anonymous complainant at the Fire Island Hotel in Ocean Bay Park reported loud music at incident location. The owner stated that there was a wedding in progress and the music was not excessive. Every party has a pooper, who in this case, was not invited. No further action necessary.

Well, at least the police out there have:

1. A sense of humor;
2. An ability to use their common sense; and
3. The proper perspective on things.

It got me thinking about what’s become of our society these days; that someone would even call in to the police, complaining about such a socially acceptable event as a wedding – especially at a hotel! (If you are not familiar with Fire Island – the houses, hotels and shops are in pretty close proximity to each other.) Did the complainant really think that the police would tell the wedding party to:

• Turn down the music?
• Stop the revelry?
• Get into a paddy wagon?
• Take them even remotely seriously???

When working with couples in mediation, there are times where one or both parties are, what I call, gridzhering (pronounced “gridge-ya”; Yiddish for gnawing) over some really unimportant, nit-picky issue, event or slight from the other spouse. Now, I’m not making light of this and suggesting that there are times when that issue, event, or slight is not pointed, cutting and hurtful. And when it is, it needs to be addressed immediately.

What I am suggesting is that we ought to pick our battles carefully. Get to the underlying reason for our anger and deal with it directly, specifically and cleanly, if we want to move on with some dignity and grace.

Easier said than done, I know. But we mediators are trained to help get to the bottom of these things so our couples can address the really, really important issues and not get bogged down with things that are not particularly significant. We want to be taken seriously so that when the BIG issue is up for discussion, we’re not dismissed as simply another “party pooper.”