To Complete or Not To Complete

One of the many advantages of mediation is that clients set their own pace to accomplish their goals. That said, on a regular basis, I review my client files to see which ones are still open and incomplete – clients who, for a variety of reasons, have not scheduled a follow up session.

Some couples come in and want to get things done “as soon as possible” or as one wife described it: “I’d rather pull the band-aid off fast”. For those couples who want to move forward quickly, we schedule the sessions in a steady stream, they tend to work on issues with each other outside of our meetings and they stay the course until the Settlement Agreement is signed. All of this is accomplished in pretty short order.

Others need to take their time. There could be a reluctant spouse who needs time to allow the emotional impact of what’s happening to settle in. Or money is tight and they need to spread out their appointments. Some couples want to get certain arrangements in place and operating first (such as a parenting plan, for example) before they move onto the next issue. Working out those arrangements typically takes time.

What I find fascinating are the clients who at first want to move briskly, and in fact do, but then do not return sometimes for many months (in one case almost a year) even though they were just about done with the mediation and I was ready to write up their Agreement. I always follow up with my clients to see what the status is and what I can do to help them bring closure. When I follow up with these clients, they will often give me some version of: “All is well, we will definitely be returning, but everything is okay for now.” It seems that they just need to let things roll for a while to see how the parenting plan, the child support and maintenance are working out before they return.

The mediation process is such that it allows couples to live with their agreements as they go along, test them out, tweak the parts that are not working, etc. Just knowing that they are both honoring the agreements can be enough for the duration. Had they not been mediating and had chosen to litigate, the boxing gloves would have been on, which would make it virtually impossible to mutually agree on anything, let alone try things out as they proceed through the separation.

Although I may not know the reasons why things were put on hold for a while, when they return, I do find that they are more on purpose, more in sync with each and at the very least, clear about finalizing the separation.

So, complete or not complete? Mediation lets you decide when the time is right.
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