Research proves that what stresses kids the most during a divorce is conflict between their parents. The best gift you can give your children during divorce is to eliminate their exposure to your adult conflict. Avoid making your child play the following roles, or what I call, the “Trifecta of Terribles:”
- Being Messenger/Courier
- Monkey in the Middle
- Secret Keeper
Life is stressful enough for growing children. Don’t add to it by letting the children see their parents in conflict.
Divorce Mediator / Center Founder
Divorce & Family Mediation Center, LLC
Phone: 631-585-5210
eMail: Info@DFMCLI.com
888 Veterans Memorial Highway
Suite 500
Hauppauge, NY11788
Suffolk and Nassau Counties, Long Island, New York
Divorce & Family Mediation Center, LLC
Phone: 631-585-5210
eMail: Info@DFMCLI.com
888 Veterans Memorial Highway
Suite 500
Hauppauge, NY11788
Suffolk and Nassau Counties, Long Island, New York
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Ada, this couldn’t be more true. Your words ring with wisdom. Speaking as both a divorced mom and as a clinical psychologist, I support what you are saying both personally and professionally. As hard as it may be, we need to remember that our divorces are so difficult for our children, and that it’s our job to do whatever we can to minimize the damage to them.
That’s a really terrific video, Ada! The informational content you shared with parents about what they should not do to their children is spot on. The “Trifecta of Terribles” really focus in on the commonly committed “sins” committed by parents which jeopardize their kids’ well-being, and which certainly should be understood and avoided by parents who truly love their kids and do not want to hurt them during and after a divorce. You presented this information in a way that rang true and caring, and despite the video camera being on you, your demeanor was warm, calm, and self-assured throughout. Very nicely done!