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Mediation, The Sensible Approach

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Abraham Lincoln Was RIGHT!

“Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. Point out to them how the nominal winner is often a real loser — in fees, and expenses, and waste of time.” – Abraham Lincoln (circa 1850)

Abraham Lincoln Was RIGHT! by Ada Hasloecher{2:36 minutes to read} As we pay homage to one of our most beloved presidents this month, I thought it would be a good idea to be reminded that Abraham Lincoln was a lawyer before he became our 16th president. He was known for his brevity; bracing, common sense; great wit; and his ability to cut to the heart of any issue.

Stated almost 170 years ago, the opening quote above is as relevant today as it was back then. So why, oh why, do we have to learn these things the hard way? Why do we constantly have to repeat the mistakes of the past, knocking our collective heads against the wall and ignoring the wisdom of those who came before us?

We’re human, that’s why. And we think that we’re different somehow and therefore the outcome is going to be different. But it’s usually not. Litigation is a zero sum game, my friend. Someone is going to be on the losing side. Maybe it’s going to be you, so why roll the dice?

Contrary to popular belief, compromise is NOT a dirty word. In any negotiation there is always a give and take. You give, you get. You get, you give. We’re adults. We know this. And yet, we sometimes act like 4-year olds, throwing an adult version of a temper tantrum when we don’t get our way or don’t get everything we want.

Lincoln was a natural mediator. He counseled his clients — he didn’t incite them. He encouraged settlement whenever possible and the peace of mind and heart that comes when you don’t drag out the animosity. I’m reminded of another quote from an anonymous source: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” I think Lincoln would have wholeheartedly agreed.

So to honor Abraham Lincoln, I’ll be brief. Mediate don’t litigate!

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Ada L. Hasloecher

Divorce Mediator / Center Founder
Divorce & Family Mediation Center, LLC
Phone: 631-585-5210
eMail: Info@DFMCLI.com
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