Floggings Will Continue Until Morale Improves

{2:06 minutes to read} I don’t know where and when I first saw this oxymoronic and hilarious line. Perhaps it was on a t-shirt or as a framed sign in a catalogue somewhere.

Unfortunately, it often sums up a philosophy and attitude that many businesses have toward their employees. It can also apply to an individual when they don’t realize how their:

• Harsh words;
• Coarse approach;
• Stinging manner; and
• Tough position

may be interpreted by the person they are trying to influence.

It would seem, to any rational mind, that it’s simply counterintuitive to conduct ourselves in an arrogant and insolent manner, and yet… we do it over and over again and are always surprised when we garner the exact opposite result of what we are seeking.

In mediation, although the intent is to be amicable, there are times when things get a bit heated. Sometimes, someone takes an affront to something the other person has said, or more importantly, the way they have said it. As in:

1. You’re impossible – no one can talk to you!
2. This is not what I signed on for – your indictment that I have ill motives!
3. How dare you accuse me of stealing OUR money when all I did was protect it in an account where I didn’t have to worry about you spending it willy nilly!
4. I’m not going to sit here and take that kind of talk!
5. If you threaten me one more time, I’m out of here!

We all know that old adage you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, and yet it can stick in our craw to have to speak nicely to someone for whom we feel disrespect or even loathing. We may feel it’s impossible and almost disingenuous to speak calmly, reasonably and sensibly when we are confronted with the person who is the cause of our frustrations and anger.

At times like this, as skilled mediators, we restate, reframe and sometimes completely reword such vitriolic language, giving the expresser an opportunity to take a breath and try to bring him or herself under control.

It’s difficult to respond to a situation rather than react to one, but our attitude and behavior is something only we can control. Morale will continue until flogging improves.

Comments from Social Media

___________________________________________

This runs congruent with psychological wisdom, which asserts that in a situation of conflict, any statement that begins with “you” is probably not going to be constructive. That’s where we get “I” statements, where you begin from your own point of view and show how it is impacted by someone else’s behavior, rather than starting with their behavior and getting their hackles up. “I’m not going to sit here and take this,” becomes, “I’m feeling put down and a little threatened; can we take it down a notch?” Or something like that.

Thomas Thornberry

___________________________________________