Holidays Schmolidays – Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off!

When you are going through a separation or divorce and the holidays are upon you, it doesn’t matter what anyone says or does to try to make you feel better. This is just your private hell and you have to get through it somehow.

Not the holiday message you would expect from a mediator, but there are times we just have to call a spade a spade. The holidays can be a wondrous time – or not, and this may be the “or not” year for you.

Tis the season. And for those whose families are in a state of flux, disarray, transition, or turmoil, it can be really difficult to put on that happy face and muddle through the seemingly non-stop holiday cheer. Well-meaning though they may be, friends and family try to put a positive spin on things but somehow it only seems to make it worse:

• Why don’t you come and join our family this year?
• Why don’t you volunteer at a soup kitchen that day?
• Why don’t you go on vacation and get away from the reminders?
• Why don’t you stop feeling sorry for yourself and count your blessings?

We feel sad, we feel guilty, we feel lonely and even more miserable that the holiday which is ALL about love, leaves us feeling totally loveless. It’s the big elephant in our room and it ain’t going away until at the very least, the calendar turns to January 1.

So how do you get through it? You just do. Any way you can. My wise sister often reminds me that “we don’t get over things, we get through them.” And painful though it may be, it’s true.

Perhaps it’s time to reflect, reconsider, and renounce some long-held beliefs. It’s your holiday. It’s your time to do with it whatever you need to do with it; to make it whatever you need to make it. And it’s not for anyone else to say.

SO the next time someone tells you what to do about the holiday – instead of telling them to stuff it, tell them to wrap it up and give it to you for Christmas next year!

Comments & Replies from Social Media
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Ada my first Christmas after my divorce (5 years ago on Dec 23, not that I am counting) I was so ashamed to face my son so I ran away, to my mom. I know it sounds to many a cowardly thing to do but I needed to clear my head and seeing him reminded me at the time that my marriage failed and I failed as a dad. I again needed to get away and begin my healing process so I could be a better dad (mentally). Anyway I feel for those who go through this traumatic change during the holidays and I can honestly say that for me it got way better, not right away but in time.

By Tommy Maloney (via LinkedIn)