Life Tips Post Separation/Divorce

Though some people can’t imagine it, life does go on after a separation or divorce. Once the agreements are made and everything is finalized, there are still some issues which may require attention, and sometimes, ongoing attention. One of the most important of these has to do with children. Although you will no longer be husband and wife to one another, you will always be parents to your children.

Parents should remember, particularly now because the children’s security may feel threatened, that their antennae are always up.  Because the children may have a lot of anxiety about the fact that their parents aren’t living in the same house anymore, implementing a smooth and seamless parenting plan is crucial.  This is one of the most important steps in the Mediation process.

Here are a few tips when dealing with the children during the post separation/divorce period.  These guidelines may seem like common sense, but are sometimes forgotten when the parents, themselves, are in the heat of their own emotional turmoil.

• Before taking action or speaking, consider the affect on the child/children.
• Also guard against making the children feel that one parent is angry or upset with the other.
• Make sure that you are not making the child the messenger or go-between in any way, shape or form.
• Despite whatever residual emotions remain for you, never speak badly about the other parent in front of the children, within earshot of the children, or in emails or texts that the children might see.
• Don’t make the child feel the need to defend the other parent.  In other words, don’t place the child in the position of being parent to the parent.

As most parents know, children just by their nature tend to be self centered and will often exploit a situation when they see an opportunity.  The parent’s separation can be just such a trigger.  One very common form of exploitation is taking advantage of the fact that they can get something from mom or dad because their parents are acting out of that guilty feeling that the family is not “intact”.  Because the parents are no longer under the same roof, the children can play two ends against the middle, and are apt to go above and beyond what they would normally try to do in the “traditional” family setting.

Challenging though it may be, the best gift you can give your children in the post separation world is to co-parent them as you did in the pre-separation world. It gives them stability, security and a feeling of safety.