Life Tips Post Separation/Divorce – Parenting Plans

One of the most important issues that parents work on together in Mediation is a post-separation parenting plan. Regardless of which type of custody arrangement they choose, most do agree on joint custody which means joint decision making on all the important issues for the children. These include but are not limited to the children’s education, religious instruction, extracurricular activities, their health and well-being.

When it comes to working on a post-separation parenting plan, one of the first topics addressed is the plan that was followed while the couple was still living together. The optimum situation is to stick with that plan which ensures continuity for the children. However, with the parents living in separate homes, it may not be feasible to continue that plan in quite the same way.

Because the children’s after school activities can create an ongoing conflict for the parents, putting in a detailed parenting plan is really important. If it is established that one parent will be the residential custodial parent, that parent is usually more attuned to the children’s schedule which includes after-school activities, recitals, sports, etc. By keeping the non-residential custodial parent in the loop, it ensures that that parent knows about these very important events in the child’s life, and can be available for them.

Being flexible for pickups and drop offs and showing your children that you can be amicable and civil after the split will go a long way toward proving that both of you will always be there for the kids in important and meaningful ways.

At all costs parents must avoid putting the children in the middle as either messengers or go-betweens. When the situation between the parents is particularly emotionally charged, it is sometimes easy to forget that the children are the innocent bystanders. Giving the child a message for the other parent, asking the child to hand over the child’s support check, or making a careless negative remark about the other parent to the child or within earshot of the child are some of the ways that parents can unintentionally drag the child into the middle of the adult conflict.

Working through these issues in Mediation allows the parents to create a plan that makes practical sense and guarantees a successful co-parenting structure that will hold the entire family in good stead.