Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

{3:42 minutes to read} So sang Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion as they hooked arms with each other on their way out of the dark and brooding forest and danced their way along the yellow brick road toward The Emerald City of Oz. Remember that?

How about this one? The Cowardly Lion, eyes closed, clutching his tail, repeating as a mantra: “I do believe in ghosts, I do believe in ghosts, I do, I do, I do believe in ghosts!” We all grew up with this classic childhood movie and laugh as we remember these scenes so well.

And what were they doing by repeating these lines over and over again? I’d say, whistling in the dark to keep the Wicked Witch of the West away. Reciting over and over their greatest fears as they envisioned all the kinds of horrors that were waiting to pounce on them as they skipped their way out of a terror of their own imagining.

I was reminded about this sort of catastrophizing during the recent incredibly cold and snowy, wintry weather in the northeast. I’m not suggesting that we didn’t have really dangerous conditions. Some areas (Boston, for example) got clobbered in more ways than they could have prepared for. No, I’m talking about the loosely-used word “storm.”

Just the other night, I was watching our local news and weather as they were predicting anywhere from 2–4 inches of snow with a light wind which would turn into rain overnight due to rising temperatures. The larger weather picture didn’t indicate anything major coming our way, yet the crawl at the bottom of the screen demanded a “storm” watch. 2-4 inches? Really?!!

We live in a world of hyper-hyperbole (even I’m doing it!) these days.

• We don’t have a few inches of snow – it’s a storm.
• We don’t have cold weather anymore – it’s the polar vortex.
• We don’t have snow followed by sleet – it’s a freezing mix followed by black ice.

Danger!! – – Stay off the roads!!! – – Run for your lives!!!!

No wonder everyone seems to have either a heightened sense of catastrophe or a sense of ennui because you just don’t know what to believe anymore.

This amplified feeling of impending doom, larger than life tragedy – – lions and tigers and bears, oh my – – often spills into the mediation room. No surprises there. But, the event of a separation is daunting enough without bringing in the catastrophizing aspects of the hyperbolic world.

We mediators are not immune to it either. But those of us who deal in the domain of conflict have learned to recognize for ourselves, and therefore for our clients, when we are tending to over-exaggerate. The lions, tigers, and bears may still be looming, but we learn how to face them with courage and rigor, and eventually get to that Emerald City.

Comments from Social Media

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Nice article Ada. I like your analogy. This makes me ponder as to the affects of exaggeration in the context of mediation. It occurs by the story teller with the intent of having more impact, therefore drawing more sympathy. It is diminished so as not to draw one’s attention to a participant as well, so as not to be singled out to a large degree, thereby hoping to escape a certain amount of responsibility possibly. You too are correct that a trained and attentive mediator should see this and be able to curb it, or move it towards a realistic perspective. One having a mantra of “I did do it, I DID DO IT” or “I didn’t do it, I DIDN’T DO IT” likely needs to be reversed to varying degrees so one is able to obtain a healthy perspective and thereby deal with the matters in a realistic fashion, undoubtedly healthier for all involved, including the mediator.Oh the lions, tigers and bears that invade our woods. Some are real but misunderstood. Others are not real at all…Thank you for the article, Steve

Steve Westberg

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I thought by now this topic would be flooded with comments. My comment is that, in my opinion and practice, such a feeling of impending doom almost always acts to settle a case. I hope it “spills into the mediation room,” because putting a financial value on the emotional and psychological cost of litigation leads to an added value to settle, and then the settlement itself. The question that settles my civil litigation cases is often, “Is there an amount of money it be worth to go home tonight knowing that this is all over, and you will never have to worry about this matter again?” Anyone else?

Robert Sturgess

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Excellent article! Makes its points very well. Nicely done…

Spencer Rosman

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A good reminder of the importance of checking how the world around us might affect our interactions in mediation. So true–our clients don’t need exaggeration of their issues. They are large enough. Sometimes the best service we can offer is to break issues into manageable pieces–which can then be resolved. Turning the “storm” back into “a few inches of snow” which can then be addressed.

Tess Worrell

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