Separation or Divorce – Common Divorce Mediation Misconceptions

If you are considering divorce mediation, you may have some common misconceptions about it. You are not alone. Misconceptions are documented ideas and beliefs which are erroneous, misleading, or otherwise flawed but which are commonly repeated as though they were true. Misconceptions exist in most walks of life and Divorce Mediation is no exception. Here are six common misconceptions about Divorce Mediation.

We need to “get along” for mediation to work.

Many people believe that you have to already be getting along in order for mediation to work. That is not so. The only requirement is a willingness to cooperate with each other and negotiate in good faith. Although you may not be friendly or get along with each other, a workable agreement can still be reached. The mediation process is the perfect venue for this to happen.

We need to have most of our terms “worked out” ahead of time.

Because many couples are seeking a separation or divorce as a result of not communicating well with each other, it’s likely that their attempt to “work out” the terms ahead of time may fall short. With the help of a mediator facilitating the voluntary agreements the parties make during the process, the couple will better understand not only their own needs and interests but those of their spouse as well. This creates a positive environment for reaching mutual agreements that can satisfy both parties.

A Separation or Divorce is only about money.

While many people believe this to be true, money is only one aspect of the breakdown of the marriage. Although money can often represent a disparity in shared values, there can be other components that drive a separation or divorce that have little to do with money. Maintaining a civil relationship with your soon-to-be former spouse is very important in minimizing the impact the separation or divorce is going to have on your children. This can often be much more important than getting every last available dollar.

The Mediator is going to direct the terms of the settlement.

Mediation is a voluntary and self-determining process. In the end, no one knows better than you what is best for you and your family. The mediator will facilitate the conversation that is necessary to help you determine what is in everyone’s own best interest. You will stay in control of the outcome; the Mediator will guide the process.

A Mediator or a lawyer knows what is fair.

“Fair” is a very subjective term and everyone’s definition and/or perception of “fair” is going to be different. Only you can define what feels “fair” to you. One of the many roles of the mediator is to help distinguish “emotional entitlement” from other types of entitlement so you can define “fair” and determine what result will feel right for you.

You need your own lawyer to protect you.

While a lawyer may know the law, he or she does not know what is best for you and your family! Only you can determine that. Mediation is not based on fear and mistrust. It is based on determining mutual interests, common ground, best needs for the entire family and workability. The mediator’s job is to make sure you are thinking clearly, making informed decisions, and considering the long-term consequences of your choices so that you can protect yourself.