Separation or Divorce: The Financial-Emotional Conundrum Part I

There are many aspects of our “being” that make us human “beings.” We are sentient beings, spiritual beings, physical beings and emotional beings. Normally, we don’t sit around all day contemplating what makes us who we are, but whether we are conscious of it or not, all those “beings” are motivating forces within us that compel us to make decisions one way or the other.

I don’t think it would be farfetched to say that we are often motivated by our emotions. When something happens to us, we take our emotional pulse (so to speak); think how we are feeling about the given situation and then most likely make decisions based on that criterion alone. Making decisions based on emotions is not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing. It’s just something we do. Whether we are conscious of those emotions or not, they often propel our decision making process before our minds, our bodies, our spirits catch up…perhaps.

Along with other deeply held “emotional” issues that may need to be addressed in the mediation in order to move the process forward, one of the most important has to do with the couple’s finances. At first blush, you may not put the terms “financial” and “emotional” in the same sentence, but if you think about it, aren’t many of us emotional about our finances?

What happens when a couple is about to split households? How is this going to be accomplished? If money is already tight for the couple (and from what I can see, many couples are experiencing this regardless of their income), then each party may potentially feel that their security/safety is about to be threatened, therefore the defenses come up and each goes to their proverbial corner to try and figure out how to move forward… alone.

When emotions are high – perhaps clouding rational thinking – the past comes up with all its “shoulda, woulda, coulda” mind chatter. Add the fuel of anxiety and frustration to the mix and you have the makings of spontaneous combustion! It may feel that there is no way out, but actually, there is: the way forward is to work together – as counter intuitive as this may seem.

In mediation, we look at the entire picture together, we gather information together, we assess the situation together, we brainstorm solutions together and finally we craft a mutually workable solution… yes, together.

There are many financial decisions that have to be made at this time. The most beneficial approach to really figure out the best way to allocate the available resources is to work together toward a mutual goal. And that mutual goal is that each person will have what they need going forward.

Part II – How do we get there together?