Separation/Divorce: Perspective

I love this word and how it pertains to mediation. Webster’s dictionary defines it several ways starting with the original Latin root, perspicere, which means “to look through.” Two other definitions that stand out to me are: 1) The relationship or proportion of the parts of a whole, regarded from a particular standpoint or point in time; 2) A specific point of view in understanding or judging things or events, especially one that shows them in their true relations to one another. So interesting!

Therefore, our perspective depends on where we’re standing (our standpoint) and how we view everything from there. It’s relative, isn’t it? I’ve been pondering and testing this phenomenon lately in all areas of my life and especially see the relevance in my mediation practice.

As a mediator, I naturally tend to see things from the mediation perspective. My “per-spective” therefore is to look through (to), look toward, and look forward. And since mediation is about seeking balance, fairness, equanimity, agreement and resolution, this is my standpoint or the place I’m coming from.

My clients have their own perspectives to be sure. Those perspectives may be the same or similar to mine or they may be something else entirely. I won’t know until they come in together and we discuss “where they’re at” and what they want to see happen. One of my jobs as a mediator is to help them see each other’s point of view: to see the degree to which they are aligned and/or the degree where they are different. Degrees, standpoints, alignments…who knew there was so much math to mediation!

The perspective of mediation is to stand in such a place as to be conscious of how each person’s standpoint affects and adjusts the other person’s standpoint. There is always an anticipatory tension at play when couples begin the mediation. They may know or think they know where the other spouse is coming from; they may have their list of grievances, wishes or demands. But those fixed perspectives can become tested once we explore all sides of the issues, examine everything in relationship to everything else, and see where the common interests converge. There is a relativity to it all and where at first look, their self interests may seem divergent, but by allowing the other perspective to come to light, the gaping differences may not actually be that different at all.

One of the most important facets of mediation is the potential for the fulfillment of a mutual vision for the future. The mediation perspective allows for this state of alertness, awareness, and attention as the parties move toward something meaningful for themselves and their families.
If you know anyone who would be interested in reading this blog, do not hesitate to forward it. Please feel free to use the Comments Box below to ask any questions, to comment, or to request more information.