Should We Get Separated?

Having sought and found our website, you are already contemplating this very question.  It is indeed an important and very personal one – one that only you can ultimately answer.  Understandably you may be feeling ambivalence, disappointment, disbelief, anxiety and uncertainty. Thinking through your options is an important first step in coming to whatever conclusion is right for you.

There are some couples who come to a mutual agreement that it is best to physically separate from each other. When the parties have participated in couple counseling, and after a thorough process in therapy, have come to realize that the marriage is over and it makes sense to go their separate ways, the next logical step into mediation is a natural one. There are other situations when one spouse wants the separation and the other doesn’t.  Often when one spouse has decided that they want to separate, it will probably happen sooner or later.

To help you consider whether or not to take the steps of separation, the following circumstances may help to clarify whether this is a prudent to step for you:

• You cannot communicate with each other without constantly arguing
• You have completed couple counseling and have determined that a separation from each other is the next logical step to take
• You are both fighting with each other and the tension in the house is impacting the children
• One of you has moved out of the marital home for an extended period of time
• The distrust between the spouses  cannot be resolved in a meaningful way
• You are not even good roommates let alone soul mates
• You have come to realize that your values, philosophy and interests are no longer compatible with each other

There may be other reasons, not included in this list, that are your own private reasons to contemplate a separation. But the important thing to remember is that if you feel that you can no longer live amicably or comfortably together in the same house, it may be time to consider a separation.

For many couples, a physical separation can bring a much needed “time out” and cooling off period. During this time a reconsideration of the marriage can be explored without the tension of living under one roof.  The opportunity to investigate other means to try to work on the marriage can be considered as can an amicable way to end the marriage. If an amicable ending is imminent, mediation is the certainly the way to go.