Separation/Divorce: To Everything There Is A Season

I attended a monthly dinner meeting a few days ago and in kicking off the New Year, it was held at a new venue – a well known restaurant/inn on Long Island. I’ve been there many times before and it is a lovely place.

The meeting took place on January 10th. The outside of the Inn and surrounding grounds were still decked out with holiday lights but nothing prepared me for what I found when I went inside. It was still completely decorated with Christmas trees, ornaments, twinkling lights, and mini-Christmas scenes. Even the requisite poinsettias were still strewn throughout the rooms, dining and otherwise. I counted on my toes and figured out that the 12 days of Christmas had passed 3 days ago. Perhaps I’m splitting hairs here, but there was something about moving into mid-January and still seeing not only the vestiges, but a full blown array of Christmas fare that just didn’t sit right.

For some, the holiday season from Thanksgiving through the New Year is laced and perhaps fraught with a mix of tumult, family, expectation, friends, financial expenditure, family, parties, food, family, late nights, over eating . . . Oh, and did I say family? It can be the best of times or it can be the worst of times depending on where you stand during this yearly season of good cheer!

I bring this up because I wondered why I had such a visceral reaction in seeing all the seasonal decorations still up. Then it hit me. I like January. I like the cold weather, I like the bare and spare look of everything post-holiday, post-man made ornamentation. The trees are stripped of their leaves and everything stands out in stark relief. There is something clean, clear, refreshing and somehow restful about it after all the over indulgences of the holidays. I’m actually glad to stop over-eating!

So this also got me thinking about an interesting phenomenon that occurs in my practice. Every year, both during and after the holiday, the phone starts ringing off the hook with potential clients calling about my divorce mediation services. When this starts happening, I’m reminded that for those people, the recent holidays have more than likely represented the “worst of times.” In trying to hold everything together “for the kids” or to give it “one last shot,” they wait until they feel they can’t wait any longer and then make the call.

After spending time with them on the phone doing an intake, some will schedule the half hour no fee consultation right away while some others hold off. For those who book the session, the holidays may have crystallized the notion that moving forward to explore a separation is ripe for them. Perhaps the ones who wait need to give themselves the time to let the hyped up emotions of the holidays settle down and allow the quiet of true winter to see things in their clarity before they take the next step.

To everything there is a season. Trust your heart to know when the time is right for you.
If you know anyone who would be interested in reading this blog, do not hesitate to forward it and please feel free to use the Comments Box below to ask any questions, to comment, or to request more information.