When Worlds Collide

{4 minutes to read}

This past November, I lost my very dear friend, Ira Lieberman, to Parkinson’s Disease. Ira and I had known each other since 1981 when I went to work for him managing his very busy chiropractic office in Manhattan. He was one of those special people who had a huge impact on my life and we remained friends even after I left his employ to pursue other endeavors.

Ira was robust in every way — physically, mentally and spiritually. He was a true healer. The fact that Parkinson’s ultimately robbed Ira of his vitality and his ability to speak was cruel beyond measure. But he had an enormous gift for always looking at the bright side of things and experienced his situation with eyes wide open and a fearless conviction to make the best of whatever time he had. I loved him and deeply mourn his passing still.

When he moved to California a number of years ago, we continued to stay close but as his speech became more labored and difficult to understand, the phone calls were arduous, to say the least. When I received a call from his daughter that he had died, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s not that I didn’t expect it at some point, but not yet. Never yet.

The funeral, to my surprise, was to be in New York — and, in fact, on Long Island at the family plot very close to where my office is located. I had a client scheduled that afternoon at 4:00 but with the funeral at noon, I knew there would be enough time to attend both events.

The service was beautiful. The Rabbi’s eulogy was perfection and I was so glad to be able to share my sorrow and loss with those who knew him and loved him the most. After the tears and touching service, I gathered my wits and headed to the office. I had about an hour to pull myself together and get ready for my clients.

This particular couple had been especially challenging. They had come to see me AFTER their divorce was final and were arguing about co-parenting their eight-year-old daughter. They had joint legal custody with the mother being the residential custodial parent. However, there was a dearth of language in their Stipulation of Settlement with regard to parenting. It said, and I quote: “Parties agreed, the husband shall have reasonable rights of visitation away from the custodial residence.” I’m not kidding. It’s no surprise that they found their way to my office.

This couple not only did not like each other, they could barely be civil to each other. And that continued that afternoon after my friend’s funeral. As I sat there listening to them yelling, blaming, carrying on — the irony was not lost on me. Only a few hours before, I had been contemplating death and loss. Here I was now observing a couple contemplating death and loss of another variety. Death of a marriage, loss of control. Funerals tend to focus our minds and pare life down to its essence. The mediation was doing the same thing for this couple but not with the same grace as I had just experienced. Not yet anyway.

I’m still working on it …