Why Is the Month of August like a Separation?

When I was a child living in Brooklyn, my parents used to take us to a bungalow colony in Nyack, New York every summer to get out of the sweltering heat of the city. Bungalow colonies were pretty big in the 1950s and early 60s. We went there from the time I was three until I was eight, when we finally moved to the suburbs and it was no longer necessary to spend our summers there.

As soon as school was out in June, my mother packed up our family of (first) four, then eventually five, from our one-bedroom apartment and off we went, with my dad driving our behemoth Plymouth station wagon, packed to the gills to “Mecca.” It was an incredibly free time out of the confines of the city – for all of us: day camp and barbecues; swimming for hours in the Olympic-sized swimming pool until our lips turned blue; long summer days and hot summer nights with only window fans to cool us off; the experience of the static electricity of quick, intense thunderstorms; the constant creak of banging screen doors everywhere; buzzing activities of children and adults alike; relatives and friends coming up on the weekends to visit; catching fireflies at dusk – ahhhh. It was wonderful.

I still have marvelous and very specific memories of those times. One in particular is this one: Every July 4th, my mother would announce: “Oy, the summer is almost over!” “What??!” we children would cry. “We still have alllllll of July and allllll of August before we even have to go back to school.”

It’s all a matter of perspective. To my mother, July 4th was the tipping point that the summer was half way over for her. For us kids…. well, you know. We had soooo much more time and couldn’t even fathom what my mother was talking about. By August, she was already mentally packing for the return to Brooklyn and the humdrum, scheduled life of the post-Labor Day monotony.

As adults, we are acutely aware of the change in light by the second week of August, the steady coolness of the evenings, that feeling of dread that the carefree days of summer are on the wane.

Working through a separation in mediation is similar to that, I think. You kind of have one foot in and one foot out of a marriage. You are physically in it, handling the predictable chores that each day brings:

• Getting the kids off to school
• Working your day job
• Making sure that homework is being done
• Dinner on the table
• Pickups arranged for after school soccer practice

Emotionally you are moving on, but not quite there yet. You are in a state of flux working through the post-separation routines, finances and unfamiliar arrangements.

Being present in the month of August so you can wring out the most enjoyment of this month of juicy, ripe tomatoes; fresh, sweet corn from the local farms; drier days, cooler nights, and the relaxation that the lazy summer days still afford, can be a trial for those of us who seem to be living lives in anticipation of something else happening.

In mediation – it all gets done. In its own good time, in a state of calm and with the eventual realization that this transition is just that, a transition – serious and significant though it may be. You’ll be on the other side of it all soon enough… anticipating the next thing.

So let’s remember in this last month of summer, to take a deep breath and spend some time catching those fireflies.